Monday, September 28, 2009

Take cover, the cynic got out of the bag!

I got 12 minutes.. 12 minutes to prepare this experience.
Lets see.. For starters we have something that ll keep your tongue and mind busy.
The light at the end of the tunnel? hmm..
Ha. Well i got news for you, that's the big white light teasing you, the divine light calling you to the unknown, when you're done stumbling your way through the dark and finally get derailed. That's right, its the light to a new life, when you're done living this one, entirely in the dark. The tunnel doesn't represent a dark phase of your life, the goddamn tunnel is your life!
What? appetite for life not yet satisfied? okay, make way for the grand main course.
I present to you my very own realization. That's right honey, you can stop waiting. This is a meal for one. You sure you can chew up loneliness, regret, heartache all by yourself? But that's not even the best part, you might wanna add that sauce, something i call humanity's au naturel selfishness.. Good stuff huh? Yeah, i know its quite a mouthful to swallow. Yepp the healing has to make its way all the way down, so you can finally stomach all that heavy stuff. Quit looking around, there's no one coming to help you finish up your meal, besides wheres the fun in that?!
But don't sweat, i promise you dessert will definitely be the cherry on top of your cake full of worries! Wow, that's a large bite outta life you took there! Only now I'm pretty sure you cant tell the sweet from the bitter memories.
Oh poor you, now the clothes that you wear, you know the fake smiles and false laughs, don't fit you anymore? Whats the matter? Scared that all the designer stitched superficiality labeled you as perfect, only to slowly expose your insides burning with the digestion of your not so perfect body anymore?
Now, now, don't you cry! Its ruining your makeup that has so conveniently covered up your sleep deprived eyes! Hush!, there's no need to fret. I assure you, these are just symptoms of growing up. A common gastric disorder, i assure you!
Its simple, as you grow older, the need to fulfill desires and your appetite for temptation multiplies. I suggest you be wary then and watch out for snares waiting to get hold of your naivety. If the craving continues, i recommend vommitting. That's right, skip the digestion and let it all out undigested and unsolved. Course there are side effects, such as dizziness from confusion and guilt. Also, i warn you of the smell of the memory, that is most likely to linger on.
Whoops! I hear the timer, looks like my 12 minutes are up. That's my cue to disappear back into the kitchen that is presently smoky with over cooked uncertainty!
Hope you've enjoyed your meal, its been a pleasure serving you!
Ahaa! Found the source of the smoke, its my brain and heart frying on the pan of life.
Bheja fry :D
Chow, duty calls!

P.S Im not going to apologize for my lack of finesse or style. You want heart to heart, well this is my heart speaking, torn out and served on a platter. It depends how you like your meat, rare, medium, well done, or in this case, raw! And im not going to apologize for my bitter cynical thoughts. Right now, that seems like the only way to go about moving on in this reality. So don't crush my spirit. So yeah suck on that you happy content whole peaceful person. I feel sorry for YOU!!

Song to listen to : Shes a genius by Jet.. killer!

Monday, May 11, 2009

If I could walk on water

If I could walk on water, I would promise you everything.
If I could walk on water, I would never have to lie.
If I could walk on water, I would love you always and forever, conditionally.
If I could walk on water, I would never ever give up on life.
If I could walk on water, I would cross oceans to just to see your, everything.

If it were in our hands. To defy the laws of nature. What would the world become?
If I could touch the moon and reach the bottom of the ocean, and if every probability was a definite possibility, would miracles no more be regarded as something divine or special?
If the extraordinary was the order of the day, what would be our ordinary? If extravagence and perfection were used as a measure to live, where does simplicity find its place?
If all surfaces were as brittle as glass, breaking through isnt a struggle anymore.
If everything that were miles away were now within reach, if emotions were a consequence to something impersonal, if provocation and persuasion aroused from something shallow, how can we define depth?
Easy come, easy go. Effortless.

If life were perfect, would it finally be worth living?

If I could walk on water, I wouldnt be living, but dreaming..

Song to listen to : Storm by Lifehouse

Saturday, October 18, 2008

In this perpetual high..

When the mind is high beyond the above...when the body is light beyond feeling..when you look and you cannot see..when you touch and you cannot feel..when you open but do not recieve..when you cry but do not hurt..when you laugh but do not smile..when you talk but do no communicate..when you stretch out but do not reach..when you sleep but eyes still wide open..when gravity has given soar..
A constant pull and push game..leaves you somewhere in the inbetween of nowhere..and then a shower of kisses that are meant to comfort..but wear out as the hands keep ticking away..
And you scratch and scratch at the door that wont open..and scream to a non existant soul who promised you assurance and protection..go on..tell me to keep the faith..but where is the strength to stay on and believe in a better do i look forward to a tomorrow when time is nothing but a cruel reminder of my pathetic struggle..
My conscience has failed senses have failed me..a blissful torment of the mind..of the body..i asked for reason..but you gave me confusion..i called for understanding..but you sent me violence..
Send me a release to world of black and white where colours will not blind and confuse me..a world where the beach waters will carry my tears and the grains of sand hold my feet which is losing ground and the air to flow into my conjusted lungs..a world where my divided mind and soul can survive peacfully as one and not fall victim to conflict..where i can survive as an escapee in a sea of escapees..
I want to be a genius.. and be able to calculate the ingredients that would make up a perfect artist..and be able to create and mould elements that bind this world together..where i can find myself..where i can lose myself..hate freely and not be hated for it..
My present state of this perpetual high..will not confine to normality..i wish to be more than ordinary..i wish to be higher
Give me strength...

Songs to listen to : Lost by Coldplay, Hear me out by Frou Frou

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

A compilation of thoughts from among the silence

Its the awkward silences that are sometimes loud enough to put you in a position to wander how when and why..
Its the secret glance falling across the skin of your face thats powerful enough to set the hair on your arms to stand..
Its the soft feeling of her shoulder against yours thats hard enough to let your ears pick up the sudden quick beating of your heart..
Its the cool breath near your neck thats deep enough to let you close your eyes and smile easy..
Its the special voice thats strong enough to shut off the unpleasant things that once enveloped you..
Its the simple smile on her face thats big enough to swell up your slowly shrinking heart..
Its her and all her..thats enough to complete you..
Dear Friend..
I love you and thank you..
Song to listen to : Sleeping to dream by Jason Mraz (Acoustic live version)

P.S ..Thanks to all of you who make it so hard for me to forget you and move on..who still give me reasons to laugh and cry and remind me that life is good and yet still worth complaining about..and thankyou for reminding me that im not alone..

much love..

yours truly,

Resh <3


Saturday, September 13, 2008

The sky is falling! but only 16..

Loving is a gift..
Its been almost exactly year since ive opened up..shame on me..yes im aware..but atleast i stayed true to the fact i am certainly one hell of a lazy person (!)..and now that im Miss sweet 16..i feel the need to break it out to the world that its infact a bittersweet 16, and honestly more bitter than sweet..
Now more than ever..i feel on the brink of cascading period can hardly be an excuse for my extreme mood swings, lack of interest and tugging away at this constant facade of the depressed disillusioned careless teenager..
Hell yeah lifes a bitch..and between you and tired..mentally and physically..what does it take to find that inner peace..which recently, conveniently seems to be outta reach..
Its painfully annoying to calm down, scolding yourself for being that typical complaining rebel of a teenager..lying to yourself that with time itll get better..okay so maybe it will..but hey the last time i clock is still ticking and if anything has changed its probably the length of my hair, my attitude which has gone to an all time low and the fact that im more self conscious than ever..
But Love will come and save us in our times of hardships..yes? Indeed of course loving is a gift..but what the hell is taking so long? now im just under the impression that Her superhero cape got caught in the middle of tantalizing demands of happily ever after endings requested by every second delusional person, on Her way to teenagedom.
Im all ready to love, and selfishly yes i want to be loved in that too much to ask?
And whats funny is im not specifically talking about the oh so perfect image of stupid cupids pick of Mr.overrated.loverboy/girl. (but no doubt i do spend three-fourths of my time trying to figure out why i aint got nobodys hand to hold..!)
No..but i speak of everyone who once meant the world to you..still do of course..but somehow you seem to be slowly fading into invisibility and they look on..but do nothing..even of they wanted to..and then the cord snaps..
Those who filled the colours into your graying skies of wonder, confusion and loneliness..But gray is the new black, filtering your vision of what used to be good vibrant and complete..
And so here i sit and stare into a state of understanding..only there is nothing that needs much explaination..its simple..
With parting distances..time stretching..feelings losing their spark..mindsets changing..and so many other reasons that at this point seem insignificant..theres nothing as such to look forward to..
Theres only so much of a fighter left in you..and then you give couldnt care less..whats probably left is a little hope..hope to win back the good times..the happy times..those times that lightened the load of your now heavy heart..which left the inner you feeling whole..or hope that if you cant relive the past (most likely..and besides its a waste of time)..something better and more meaningful will come your way in the future..
So we shall wait..and wait longer until that time comes when all is good and those you love, who might never be near you, but all the same will remember they have some extra loving to do..
Loving is a gift..
Life is a gift..
Im a gift..hell im the best thing thats ever happened to you havent realized that yet..but you know what..ill wait..cause remember you mean the world to me..

P.S : This post obviously does not comply for all 16 yr olds..those of you who had a pretty..well 'happening sweet 16'..i guess all i can say is enjoy it while you can..

Song to listen to : Brighter than Sunshine by Aqualung

Saturday, September 01, 2007

The Confessions of a Phsycotic

Help me. Save me. Hold me.

Song to listen to : Right where you want me

...Yes, indeed the one by Jesse Mcartney...

*Oh*...stop judging me...

Forgive me...but this is the taste of the bitter words of my even more bitter thoughts...


Much love,
The Phsyced...

[ yes I do not know the spelling...can you blame me...]

Quote for the day : " The greatest thing to learn is to love, and be loved in return " [or something like that] ( call me if you seem to agree with this.. i mean.. CMON!! )

Anybody who figures where this is from, gets million bucks. Guaranteed. Sonia and Mathew dont count.

Oh if any of you are smart enough and know me well, you would realize I dont have a million bucks. So its your call. Well the truth is actually I do hve a million bucks but its been buried along with Charlie Chaplin. Hmm..Now why would i give that out..????????????????????????????????????

! 2nd song to listen to : Icky thump by the White Stripes...killer!!

Friday, June 22, 2007

And so.

And so its been long. so very long indeed. how i miss doing this. how i miss it very much. how im no more 14. but 15. how i feel that some things make a lot more sense now. how people seem more different than they ever were. how i miss those who seemed more real to me than anything else. how i want life to be not joyous and successful and prosperous and safe. but comfortable. how want to live in my all-time-favourite songs. how i want to dance every night just to feel the warmth. how i want to.