For me, what works best is inspiration...something or someone has to arouse the philosophical side of me and that passionate writer somewhere deep down there within moi...i hope people dont keep their disatnce after reading this statement...but, i still havent brushed my teeth!!...yes, its 10 in the morning, and im all weary eyed and stinky breathed!..dads left for work...and the first thing i do is turn on the radio and swicth on my lappie...God bless, for i think im slowly, secrectly getting addicted to this marvellous but yet evil piece of work..(im referring to the laptop)..i doubt ill be able to survive without it, though im reely trying my best, atleast i think i am(!)...but its like coffee for the workaholics and drugs for the depressed...i need it...right, now im worried!!! well...i guess its a temptation ill just have to learn how to resist...that is, once my folks are here and literally shove me off the chair, till then its all mine!! muhahah :P...
Song by James Morisson is playing right now on the radio, the pieces dont fit anymore or something like that...call me gay, but i like his songs...they seem real and he seems to be like those kind of artists who really know their music and doesnt make music for publicity and fame sake...unlike some very sad individuals who have now unecessary invaded the music industry..lets not name them, just for the sake of those who happen to be devout fans of them....alright moving on, actually i dont know where to....i havent even given a title to this post...i dont know what to write on...i was just struck on the head by an invisible arrow sent flying across from the writer's cupid, no, not the cupid who works for the love between two beings but the cupid who belives in the love between a writer and his tool, which right now, is the keyboard :P....yes, and where came along this sudden inspiration...well, this morning i was introduced to a blog recommended by a friend and was i spellbound or what!! absolute brilliance, open sarcasm, talent and nothing but the truth, the blog itself had so much character...so i guess thats wat got me started...
I reely appreciate people or rather kids like us who write with so much enthusiasm and feeling...to be able to put your emotions into words for all to read and acknowledge, almost like a song, its a brave thing...ive been through a lot these few months, not the very best of times...im sure most of you could hint that out from my previous posts....but at last i felt good...ive let it all out for the whole world to know....its a relief and that is the beauty of writing...no matter what language or script...its the written form of yourself...each part of you put down in words...and so i think more of us should be encouraged to start to writing, whether by blogging or just writing essays and compositions in class or diary entries....i think ive found a title for my post..i shall stop here, hoping like how i got inspired, some of you are too..chow then...i think its time for nice hot glass of milk...
Monday, December 18, 2006
Thursday, December 07, 2006
I wish...
i wish i did well this term.
i wish my family was together.
i wish my parents didnt always care about marks.
i wish i wasnt soo poddggy.
i wish love came easily.
i wish i didnt keep moving from place to place.
i wish loved ones didnt leave us and go.
i wish i could make it to hollywood.
i wish i could meet the cast of harry potter.
i wish i was back with my two best buddies.
i wish i didnt have to go through painful times.
i wish i didnt take out my anger and pain by hurting myself.
i wish i were stronger when it comes to handling difficult matters.
i wish people would forget their differences and be nice to everyone.
i wish violence was never option.
i wish life was a comedy.
i wish people didnt have to suffer to much.
i wish...
i wish for more....
love, happiness, health, wealth...
and more....
i wish my family was together.
i wish my parents didnt always care about marks.
i wish i wasnt soo poddggy.
i wish love came easily.
i wish i didnt keep moving from place to place.
i wish loved ones didnt leave us and go.
i wish i could make it to hollywood.
i wish i could meet the cast of harry potter.
i wish i was back with my two best buddies.
i wish i didnt have to go through painful times.
i wish i didnt take out my anger and pain by hurting myself.
i wish i were stronger when it comes to handling difficult matters.
i wish people would forget their differences and be nice to everyone.
i wish violence was never option.
i wish life was a comedy.
i wish people didnt have to suffer to much.
i wish...
i wish for more....
love, happiness, health, wealth...
and more....
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Cryer cryer...
I meant to write this post ages ago, but due to numerable frustrating reasons i wasnt able to, so as a result, i must take you back to the end of our exams, that is the 29th of november. it was the day just after the much exhuasting and stressful exams, but it wasnt as though all our worries had come to an end, there is always one last thing we all had to face and that were the results. and it had to be to my very luck that on that day were getting our maths marks....
Unfortunately i wasnt born with 'mathematical gene' in my blood as that of both my sister and brother, my parents often say its miracle that ive managed to learn how to add or subtract (which by the way i still make silly mistakes in!!, im sure now you all have an idea as to how pathetic i am in math!!). as far as i can remember i was always considered a complete dodo in math and so my family never expected too much from me after a math exam, but this time, to my horror, i did worse than ever, i managed to get absolutley disgraceful marks, almost embarrassing....
Dissapointed, no wait, very very dissapointed, i locked myself in the girls bathroom and bawled as though the world was going to come to end... well i just didnt expect it to be that bad...i guess i cried out of shock of whether ill manage to get the marks i wanted or rather needed...
Turned out that the door to my toilet had no lock, (boys, dont be too shocked, its true, half the doors of our bathroom dont have locks. so much for privacy!) and so, my dear friends managed to squeese in and console my poor distressed self, something i didnt like, id rather be just left alone and work it out by myself instead of ten girls telling me that it was fine and everything was going to be alright, and i knew for a fact that everything wasnt going to be alright. but being the best of freinds that they were, they refused to listen to me and somehow talked me out of my brief misery. feeling very stupid to be seen crying out like a mad cow infront of all them, i tried to dry off my reddish leaky nosed watery face(!) and smiled and said that id be alright, although deep down, i still wanted to kick the lid off the toilet seat for the disgusting marks i got...
And so we all marched out of the bathroom, greeted by other girls who were running in to dry their tears for, im sure, the same bloody reason: bad marks, and their friends tagging along to console them...at that point, i felt a bit better, looks like i wasnt the only one who did badly...we came out to find that the rest of the girls of our class were on the way to the special needs school, we ran for it and made it just in time to catch up with rest of the class...and yet i found another reason for myself to cry...
As we walked into the school, i was almost in a state of a breakdown, trying to suppress my soft cries and coughs and my hands constantly moving across my face like the wipers of a car, trying to dry off my tears, i looked like a red tomato who had just been squeesed. it was the most overwhelming feeling ever, im not sure thats even the right word to decribe what i was going through, i think my hormones had just kicked in, bringing me to a state of an emotional breakdown. but you must know that i wasnt crying for my math marks anymore...the fact of just seeing those kids being pushed in a wheelchair laughing and greeting the people who came in, made me feel so stupid at that moment...i was crying because i did badly in my 9th grade math exam when they...they couldnt do simple things we could...but yet inspite of their incapabilities, they always seemed so happy, so peaceful, so in their own little content world with no worries, no problems, no nothing...and to see their eagerness to learn new things and communicate with others made me feel so low at that point...due to a deep personal reason, something concerning my family, it hurt me even more. how many times did my poor mother tell me that when i am blessed with good health and the ability to learn and how ive always taken it for granted...it broke her heart to see that when i was so blessed unlike him, i still never did my best and never bothered to work hard, well thats what mum says, but i shant lie, i do tend to get lazy at times and well, as much as i hate to admit it, if i worked a wee bit harder i think i would have done a lot better...a sad fact i had to acknowledge...
i was stilll tearing a little, my freinds by my side thought i was over doing it, except for special someone(:p)..but little did the rest know how much it affected me...
Later we sat and spoke to two girls, Samada and Thara, another humbling experience...they held our hands and spoke to us with so much enthusiasim and so much love, it was then i thought of every time i hurt someone by saying something rude and when i looked back at it, i found it so unecessary....if we have to learn something then it should be from these children...however cliched this sounds, but with every thing we take for granted we should stop and think...and every time we cry for something, we should stop and think....think that there are those out there who arent as privileged as us....its like they say: be happy with what ya got!! so when i came back that day i was at peace, my marks didnt bother me and i wasnt worried how i was going to tell my parents, maybe i wasnt going to tell them, ill survive...i just listened to my mp3 and slept away listening to coldplay, dreaming of numbers and plus and minus signs chasing me through a dark tunnel...hope i make it through the other side, i hope i make through my next exam, hope i make through the night....
Hope i still stay blessed with good health and a loving family and caring friends and a good home and good food for many years to come....
(p.s very sorry for the long break i took, as i mentioned before, there were reasons as to why i couldnt publish this post earlier, my greatest apologies...)
Unfortunately i wasnt born with 'mathematical gene' in my blood as that of both my sister and brother, my parents often say its miracle that ive managed to learn how to add or subtract (which by the way i still make silly mistakes in!!, im sure now you all have an idea as to how pathetic i am in math!!). as far as i can remember i was always considered a complete dodo in math and so my family never expected too much from me after a math exam, but this time, to my horror, i did worse than ever, i managed to get absolutley disgraceful marks, almost embarrassing....
Dissapointed, no wait, very very dissapointed, i locked myself in the girls bathroom and bawled as though the world was going to come to end... well i just didnt expect it to be that bad...i guess i cried out of shock of whether ill manage to get the marks i wanted or rather needed...
Turned out that the door to my toilet had no lock, (boys, dont be too shocked, its true, half the doors of our bathroom dont have locks. so much for privacy!) and so, my dear friends managed to squeese in and console my poor distressed self, something i didnt like, id rather be just left alone and work it out by myself instead of ten girls telling me that it was fine and everything was going to be alright, and i knew for a fact that everything wasnt going to be alright. but being the best of freinds that they were, they refused to listen to me and somehow talked me out of my brief misery. feeling very stupid to be seen crying out like a mad cow infront of all them, i tried to dry off my reddish leaky nosed watery face(!) and smiled and said that id be alright, although deep down, i still wanted to kick the lid off the toilet seat for the disgusting marks i got...
And so we all marched out of the bathroom, greeted by other girls who were running in to dry their tears for, im sure, the same bloody reason: bad marks, and their friends tagging along to console them...at that point, i felt a bit better, looks like i wasnt the only one who did badly...we came out to find that the rest of the girls of our class were on the way to the special needs school, we ran for it and made it just in time to catch up with rest of the class...and yet i found another reason for myself to cry...
As we walked into the school, i was almost in a state of a breakdown, trying to suppress my soft cries and coughs and my hands constantly moving across my face like the wipers of a car, trying to dry off my tears, i looked like a red tomato who had just been squeesed. it was the most overwhelming feeling ever, im not sure thats even the right word to decribe what i was going through, i think my hormones had just kicked in, bringing me to a state of an emotional breakdown. but you must know that i wasnt crying for my math marks anymore...the fact of just seeing those kids being pushed in a wheelchair laughing and greeting the people who came in, made me feel so stupid at that moment...i was crying because i did badly in my 9th grade math exam when they...they couldnt do simple things we could...but yet inspite of their incapabilities, they always seemed so happy, so peaceful, so in their own little content world with no worries, no problems, no nothing...and to see their eagerness to learn new things and communicate with others made me feel so low at that point...due to a deep personal reason, something concerning my family, it hurt me even more. how many times did my poor mother tell me that when i am blessed with good health and the ability to learn and how ive always taken it for granted...it broke her heart to see that when i was so blessed unlike him, i still never did my best and never bothered to work hard, well thats what mum says, but i shant lie, i do tend to get lazy at times and well, as much as i hate to admit it, if i worked a wee bit harder i think i would have done a lot better...a sad fact i had to acknowledge...
i was stilll tearing a little, my freinds by my side thought i was over doing it, except for special someone(:p)..but little did the rest know how much it affected me...
Later we sat and spoke to two girls, Samada and Thara, another humbling experience...they held our hands and spoke to us with so much enthusiasim and so much love, it was then i thought of every time i hurt someone by saying something rude and when i looked back at it, i found it so unecessary....if we have to learn something then it should be from these children...however cliched this sounds, but with every thing we take for granted we should stop and think...and every time we cry for something, we should stop and think....think that there are those out there who arent as privileged as us....its like they say: be happy with what ya got!! so when i came back that day i was at peace, my marks didnt bother me and i wasnt worried how i was going to tell my parents, maybe i wasnt going to tell them, ill survive...i just listened to my mp3 and slept away listening to coldplay, dreaming of numbers and plus and minus signs chasing me through a dark tunnel...hope i make it through the other side, i hope i make through my next exam, hope i make through the night....
Hope i still stay blessed with good health and a loving family and caring friends and a good home and good food for many years to come....
(p.s very sorry for the long break i took, as i mentioned before, there were reasons as to why i couldnt publish this post earlier, my greatest apologies...)
Friday, November 17, 2006
In this freakishly kewl world of mine....
Warning: this post may contain disturbing ideas. the writer at that moment was high on stress and had gone slightly mental. the sensitive and easily offended are requested not to read any further for their own safety.
Read at your own risk...
Soooo..... you think you're brave enough to read on, well then i must say, brace yourself, cause you're in for a hell of a ride....
Allright, now im startin to exaggerate just a little...im just messing with your heads.
Paranoia has seemed to creep into my half empty or wait..half full...(??)brain of mine...somebody save me!!!
And if u were ever curious to know what the effects are of listening to the Black Parade
Wats gotten into me, that i dont know...i dont know who to blame here...but i love it, i love this feeling, when things necessarily dont have to make sense, when you just want to scream out for the whole world to hear, when people stare at you and it doesnt bother you, infact you enjoy the attention. its when u ''unleash the monster within"!!. try it, put on your favourite song and rock it out, swear if u want to, scream if you have to, do what you must to feel good.
I would dye my hair purple, get a tattoo(s), peirce my eyebrow, work part time at the petrol station ...i would want to do anything as long as it makes me feel good...as long as i go to bed every night feeling satisfyed ...time as we know, does not wait for anyone. so ladies go peirce your bellies and dear gentlemen, well honestly to me, i would consider a man a real man if he has the nerve to peirce his nipples(!!!) yes, take while to digest that line...dont think of me with disgust, had i not warned you earlier...i speak nothing but the truth, i speak exactly whats going through this muddled up head of mine...
Well if you have a problem with that, then thats fine, i can live with it... u see, life isnt worth it if u arnt ready to let yourself go, if you arent ready to challenge yourself...i choose to wear torn stockings and black nailpolish, i choose to stand at the tip of the road and feel the air blow through my hair when a car rushes past...
Take risks...make mistakes...break the rules..for it is then that you become complete, it is then that you are called human....
As for me, is my life complete?..no, i still have a long way to go. i cant do much now, except for pray for a tomorow and when it comes i shall do what i feel is best...i will live my life my way and you shall live yours your way....
As ive said before, be good to life...Dont punish it, dont punish yourself for not living it the way you want to...take every breath as if it were the last and make evry use of it...
So whats the agenda planned for myself, hmmmm...i was thinking skydiving, sounds interesting eh, but first i think ill just try coloring my hair purple (check).. i think i can wait before i throw my life away (literally) from a plane praying my parachute doesnt bail on me ....
suicidal death wish some might call it..but fer me? its just a lil bit of some hardcore fun & living..
Friday, November 10, 2006
Dear Brothers & Sisters...
Tired...hungry...sleepy...i shoved my house key into the keyhole with the little strength i still had left...i opened the door to an empty living room...not very welcoming...but wait...there she comes, my little darling, she rubbed her head against my calf, im forced to smile. i drop my bags to the floor as though they were heavy weights. i scrunched my back, making sure i still had a backbone after carrying those Godforsaken school bags...i swore under my breath...
She meaowed softly and licked my sweaty hands, it caused the hair on my neck to stand. i looked into her sea-green eyes, so much innocence...i suddenly felt at ease. i carried her in my arms as if she was a little infant, i plopped down on the sofa and stroked her head...my lil fluff ball i called her, she was the only living breathing thing that existed in my lonely home apart from dad ofcourse...but he always showed up late from work...the poor man...for the rest of my darling family, mom with brother in bangalore and sister dearest in bombay...not the best arrangement for either of us, but sacrifices have to be made...how i miss all of them...im fed up with the food, with the dead furniture i see everyday, the overwhelming silence that fills my house except for her occassional mews...i hate it, i hate all...
My social life has come to complete halt with the dreaded exams on its way...my friends are to busy studing than worrying about me, boyfriend, ha, why bother (!) i have no one to talk to, talk to my dad..i dont think so, mom.. nope, brother..never, sister... well maybe, but the distance just keeps us farther apart.
How i miss b'lore, its amazing weather and my beautiful house there, how i miss home..it may seem unfair to dubai, being born here and living here for the past 10 years of my life, but those four years bangalore were great...a totally different experience...life in dubai during my first few years was perfect, the hole family was here, good marks in school, everyone was happy, absolutely no worries...then flew to b'lore...and my life changed, might have been for the good or the bad. poor dad was stranded in dubai, it was just mom, sis, bro and moi...it took a while for us to get used to the junk on the road and the heavy pollution and lets not forget the cows and the stray dogs, b'lore isnt anything without them, they ruled the roads and streets!!...i grew in b'lore...had my first actual crush, had amazing set of friends, got on the back of bikes, learnt how to drive one, got into trouble inumerable times, failed in tests, it was in b'lore that i learnt the importance of breaking rules, of getting hurt, of losing things and finding new ones, i spent my first few starting years as a teenager in b'lore and its taught me so much, for that im so thankful...
but now im back in my hometown, the fast moving dubai, the 1st class cars, the hep women in their boots, its then i miss the women of india in their old fashioned saris and chapals(!) now... my family is 100o miles apart from each other and it all comes down to me, in this lonely house in this somewhat sad place...
So the question is dear brothers and sisters, can a 14 year old survive with her music, her cat, the tv, her favourite books, decent food and phone calls everyday from her worrying mom, in her boring household...
hmmm...well i seem to be doin fine...so i gess one can survive...may not the be the best, but its like i said, sacrifices have to be made...but things will get better, it always does...moms coming in three days...that means no more food from outside and some serious TLC!!! now all i have to worry about are gettin through these examas with some satisfying marks after which ill be flying to b'lore leaving this place for a whole 2 good weeks...
so i gess life isnt all that bad as it seems...this post goes out to all those fed up kids who come home everyday to an empty house with no family and no life...just remember if you're good to life then life will certainly be good to you...
Till next time folks, keep breathing and pray for a tomorrow. God bless you...
Adios Amigos...
She meaowed softly and licked my sweaty hands, it caused the hair on my neck to stand. i looked into her sea-green eyes, so much innocence...i suddenly felt at ease. i carried her in my arms as if she was a little infant, i plopped down on the sofa and stroked her head...my lil fluff ball i called her, she was the only living breathing thing that existed in my lonely home apart from dad ofcourse...but he always showed up late from work...the poor man...for the rest of my darling family, mom with brother in bangalore and sister dearest in bombay...not the best arrangement for either of us, but sacrifices have to be made...how i miss all of them...im fed up with the food, with the dead furniture i see everyday, the overwhelming silence that fills my house except for her occassional mews...i hate it, i hate all...
My social life has come to complete halt with the dreaded exams on its way...my friends are to busy studing than worrying about me, boyfriend, ha, why bother (!) i have no one to talk to, talk to my dad..i dont think so, mom.. nope, brother..never, sister... well maybe, but the distance just keeps us farther apart.
How i miss b'lore, its amazing weather and my beautiful house there, how i miss home..it may seem unfair to dubai, being born here and living here for the past 10 years of my life, but those four years bangalore were great...a totally different experience...life in dubai during my first few years was perfect, the hole family was here, good marks in school, everyone was happy, absolutely no worries...then flew to b'lore...and my life changed, might have been for the good or the bad. poor dad was stranded in dubai, it was just mom, sis, bro and moi...it took a while for us to get used to the junk on the road and the heavy pollution and lets not forget the cows and the stray dogs, b'lore isnt anything without them, they ruled the roads and streets!!...i grew in b'lore...had my first actual crush, had amazing set of friends, got on the back of bikes, learnt how to drive one, got into trouble inumerable times, failed in tests, it was in b'lore that i learnt the importance of breaking rules, of getting hurt, of losing things and finding new ones, i spent my first few starting years as a teenager in b'lore and its taught me so much, for that im so thankful...
but now im back in my hometown, the fast moving dubai, the 1st class cars, the hep women in their boots, its then i miss the women of india in their old fashioned saris and chapals(!) now... my family is 100o miles apart from each other and it all comes down to me, in this lonely house in this somewhat sad place...
So the question is dear brothers and sisters, can a 14 year old survive with her music, her cat, the tv, her favourite books, decent food and phone calls everyday from her worrying mom, in her boring household...
hmmm...well i seem to be doin fine...so i gess one can survive...may not the be the best, but its like i said, sacrifices have to be made...but things will get better, it always does...moms coming in three days...that means no more food from outside and some serious TLC!!! now all i have to worry about are gettin through these examas with some satisfying marks after which ill be flying to b'lore leaving this place for a whole 2 good weeks...
so i gess life isnt all that bad as it seems...this post goes out to all those fed up kids who come home everyday to an empty house with no family and no life...just remember if you're good to life then life will certainly be good to you...
Till next time folks, keep breathing and pray for a tomorrow. God bless you...
Adios Amigos...
Saturday, November 04, 2006
So much..yet so little...
most of you might be familiar with the title of my blog...life or sumthin like it?? yea..its the title of a movie with angelina jolie acting in it, its quite an interesting movie and not to mention, jolie decides to go blonde in it, for the second time, not a smart move, i thought the she looked far better in gone in 60 seconds...anyway, i apologize for my casual style of writing, as you can see i didnt bother using caps...after reading a couple of blogs, i feel as though mine is of no comparison to the rest...but never the less, i intend on sharing something with those of you who have generously decided to read my blog...
The reason why i chose this title for my blog is because i happened to be absolutely fascinated with its meaning...its ironic though, as till date i cant really tell what it actually means. life or something like it...you can ponder on for hours as to what it might mean...life... *sigh* theres so much to it...so much..yet so little...there are those who who suffer and those who havnt yet experienced true sufferage...the rich and the poor...the good and the evil and its never ending battle...i could go on the philosophies of life and bore you out of your minds...but i shant take much of your good time...but i just feel that i should say that after reading this, take a while and try and figure out or just think about life, about how it works, the people involved or even those who arent...itll leave you amazed...confused...worried....
Its a weird world we live in and theres so much we dont know and its that fact that keeps us living, the fact that there will always be so much more than we know....
so i guess thats it, hope you all find this remotely interesting...well, till next time, which hopefully wont to be too long from now, being the lazy person i am, i cant really say...
till then, chow...
The reason why i chose this title for my blog is because i happened to be absolutely fascinated with its meaning...its ironic though, as till date i cant really tell what it actually means. life or something like it...you can ponder on for hours as to what it might mean...life... *sigh* theres so much to it...so much..yet so little...there are those who who suffer and those who havnt yet experienced true sufferage...the rich and the poor...the good and the evil and its never ending battle...i could go on the philosophies of life and bore you out of your minds...but i shant take much of your good time...but i just feel that i should say that after reading this, take a while and try and figure out or just think about life, about how it works, the people involved or even those who arent...itll leave you amazed...confused...worried....
Its a weird world we live in and theres so much we dont know and its that fact that keeps us living, the fact that there will always be so much more than we know....
so i guess thats it, hope you all find this remotely interesting...well, till next time, which hopefully wont to be too long from now, being the lazy person i am, i cant really say...
till then, chow...
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