In this perpetual high..

When the mind is high beyond the above...when the body is light beyond feeling..when you look and you cannot see..when you touch and you cannot feel..when you open but do not recieve..when you cry but do not hurt..when you laugh but do not smile..when you talk but do no communicate..when you stretch out but do not reach..when you sleep but eyes still wide open..when gravity has given up..you soar..
A constant pull and push game..leaves you somewhere in the inbetween of nowhere..and then a shower of kisses that are meant to comfort..but wear out as the hands keep ticking away..
And you scratch and scratch at the door that wont open..and scream to a non existant soul who promised you assurance and protection..go on..tell me to keep the faith..but where is the strength to stay on and believe in a better tomorrow..how do i look forward to a tomorrow when time is nothing but a cruel reminder of my pathetic struggle..
My conscience has failed me..my senses have failed me..a blissful torment of the mind..of the body..i asked for reason..but you gave me confusion..i called for understanding..but you sent me violence..
Send me a release to world of black and white where colours will not blind and confuse me..a world where the beach waters will carry my tears and the grains of sand hold my feet which is losing ground and the air to flow into my conjusted lungs..a world where my divided mind and soul can survive peacfully as one and not fall victim to conflict..where i can survive as an escapee in a sea of escapees..
I want to be a genius.. and be able to calculate the ingredients that would make up a perfect world..an artist..and be able to create and mould elements that bind this world together..where i can find myself..where i can lose myself..hate freely and not be hated for it..
My present state of mind..in this perpetual high..will not confine to normality..i wish to be more than ordinary..i wish to be higher
Give me strength...

Songs to listen to : Lost by Coldplay, Hear me out by Frou Frou

A compilation of thoughts from among the silence

Its the awkward silences that are sometimes loud enough to put you in a position to wander how when and why..
Its the secret glance falling across the skin of your face thats powerful enough to set the hair on your arms to stand..
Its the soft feeling of her shoulder against yours thats hard enough to let your ears pick up the sudden quick beating of your heart..
Its the cool breath near your neck thats deep enough to let you close your eyes and smile easy..
Its the special voice thats strong enough to shut off the unpleasant things that once enveloped you..
Its the simple smile on her face thats big enough to swell up your slowly shrinking heart..
Its her and all her..thats enough to complete you..
Dear Friend..
I love you and thank you..
:)
Song to listen to : Sleeping to dream by Jason Mraz (Acoustic live version)

P.S ..Thanks to all of you who make it so hard for me to forget you and move on..who still give me reasons to laugh and cry and remind me that life is good and yet still worth complaining about..and thankyou for reminding me that im not alone..

much love..

yours truly,

Resh <3

:D

The sky is falling! but wait..im only 16..

Loving is a gift..
Its been almost exactly year since ive opened up..shame on me..yes im aware..but atleast i stayed true to the fact i am certainly one hell of a lazy person (!)..and now that im Miss sweet 16..i feel the need to break it out to the world that its infact a bittersweet 16, and honestly more bitter than sweet..
Now more than ever..i feel on the brink of cascading emotions..my period can hardly be an excuse for my extreme mood swings, lack of interest and tugging away at this constant facade of the depressed disillusioned careless teenager..
Hell yeah lifes a bitch..and between you and me..im tired..mentally and physically..what does it take to find that inner peace..which recently, conveniently seems to be outta reach..
Its painfully annoying to calm down, scolding yourself for being that typical complaining rebel of a teenager..lying to yourself that with time itll get better..okay so maybe it will..but hey the last time i checked..my clock is still ticking and if anything has changed its probably the length of my hair, my attitude which has gone to an all time low and the fact that im more self conscious than ever..
But Love will come and save us in our times of hardships..yes? Indeed of course loving is a gift..but what the hell is taking so long? now im just under the impression that Her superhero cape got caught in the middle of tantalizing demands of happily ever after endings requested by every second delusional person, on Her way to teenagedom.
Im all ready to love, and selfishly yes i want to be loved in return..is that too much to ask?
And whats funny is im not specifically talking about the oh so perfect image of stupid cupids pick of Mr.overrated.loverboy/girl. (but no doubt i do spend three-fourths of my time trying to figure out why i aint got nobodys hand to hold..!)
No..but i speak of everyone who once meant the world to you..still do of course..but somehow you seem to be slowly fading into invisibility and they look on..but do nothing..even of they wanted to..and then the cord snaps..
Those who filled the colours into your graying skies of wonder, confusion and loneliness..But gray is the new black, filtering your vision of what used to be good vibrant and complete..
And so here i sit and stare into a state of understanding..only there is nothing that needs much explaination..its simple..
With parting distances..time stretching..feelings losing their spark..mindsets changing..and so many other reasons that at this point seem insignificant..theres nothing as such to look forward to..
Theres only so much of a fighter left in you..and then you give up..you couldnt care less..whats probably left is a little hope..hope to win back the good times..the happy times..those times that lightened the load of your now heavy heart..which left the inner you feeling whole..or hope that if you cant relive the past (most likely..and besides its a waste of time)..something better and more meaningful will come your way in the future..
So we shall wait..and wait longer until that time comes when all is good and those you love, who might never be near you, but all the same will remember they have some extra loving to do..
Loving is a gift..
Life is a gift..
Im a gift..hell im the best thing thats ever happened to you..so you havent realized that yet..but you know what..ill wait..cause remember you mean the world to me..

P.S : This post obviously does not comply for all 16 yr olds..those of you who had a pretty..well 'happening sweet 16'..i guess all i can say is enjoy it while you can..

Song to listen to : Brighter than Sunshine by Aqualung