Loving is a gift..
Its been almost exactly year since ive opened up..shame on me..yes im aware..but atleast i stayed true to the fact i am certainly one hell of a lazy person (!)..and now that im Miss sweet 16..i feel the need to break it out to the world that its infact a bittersweet 16, and honestly more bitter than sweet..
Now more than ever..i feel on the brink of cascading emotions..my period can hardly be an excuse for my extreme mood swings, lack of interest and tugging away at this constant facade of the depressed disillusioned careless teenager..
Hell yeah lifes a bitch..and between you and me..im tired..mentally and physically..what does it take to find that inner peace..which recently, conveniently seems to be outta reach..
Its painfully annoying to calm down, scolding yourself for being that typical complaining rebel of a teenager..lying to yourself that with time itll get better..okay so maybe it will..but hey the last time i checked..my clock is still ticking and if anything has changed its probably the length of my hair, my attitude which has gone to an all time low and the fact that im more self conscious than ever..
But Love will come and save us in our times of hardships..yes? Indeed of course loving is a gift..but what the hell is taking so long? now im just under the impression that Her superhero cape got caught in the middle of tantalizing demands of happily ever after endings requested by every second delusional person, on Her way to teenagedom.
Im all ready to love, and selfishly yes i want to be loved in return..is that too much to ask?
And whats funny is im not specifically talking about the oh so perfect image of stupid cupids pick of Mr.overrated.loverboy/girl. (but no doubt i do spend three-fourths of my time trying to figure out why i aint got nobodys hand to hold..!)
No..but i speak of everyone who once meant the world to you..still do of course..but somehow you seem to be slowly fading into invisibility and they look on..but do nothing..even of they wanted to..and then the cord snaps..
Those who filled the colours into your graying skies of wonder, confusion and loneliness..But gray is the new black, filtering your vision of what used to be good vibrant and complete..
And so here i sit and stare into a state of understanding..only there is nothing that needs much explaination..its simple..
With parting distances..time stretching..feelings losing their spark..mindsets changing..and so many other reasons that at this point seem insignificant..theres nothing as such to look forward to..
Theres only so much of a fighter left in you..and then you give up..you couldnt care less..whats probably left is a little hope..hope to win back the good times..the happy times..those times that lightened the load of your now heavy heart..which left the inner you feeling whole..or hope that if you cant relive the past (most likely..and besides its a waste of time)..something better and more meaningful will come your way in the future..
So we shall wait..and wait longer until that time comes when all is good and those you love, who might never be near you, but all the same will remember they have some extra loving to do..
Loving is a gift..
Life is a gift..
Im a gift..hell im the best thing thats ever happened to you..so you havent realized that yet..but you know what..ill wait..cause remember you mean the world to me..
P.S : This post obviously does not comply for all 16 yr olds..those of you who had a pretty..well 'happening sweet 16'..i guess all i can say is enjoy it while you can..
Song to listen to : Brighter than Sunshine by Aqualung
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5 comments:
Resh...man good to read something you;ve written after so long.
We've spoken about this before havent we? Why us, why are we still alone?
But as you said loving is a gift, life is a gift. One day its all gonna happen.hopefully.
I miss you man !
Im turned 16 too. Not so sweet either. :D
reshhhhh
omg, such a long long time =O i thought your blog died or something =P
and hey, life's tough, you gotta deal with it. it's just bitter for now, the sweet'll come along, no matter how long it takes, it'll come.
and just keep thinking that something good is gonna happen in the near-future. that way, you have something to look forward to, to hang on to.
keep hanging =D
we all are...
louwe you =)
[ps. and no, you should NEVER blame your period for your mood swings, it's just wrong =P]
"For the Warrior there is no such thing as an impossible love.
He is not intimidated by silence, indifference, or rejection. He knows that behind the mask of ice that people wear, there beats a heart of fire.
This is why the Warrior takes more risks than other people. He is constantly seeking the love of someone, even if that means often having to hear the word "no," returning home defeated and feeling rejected in body and soul.
A Warrior never gives in to fear when he is searching for what he needs. Without love, he is nothing."
-Warrior of the Light.
Paulo Coelho.
"When love beckons to you, follow him,
though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden."
"To be wounded by your own understand of love;
And to bleed willingfully and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and mediate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips."
-The Prophet
Kahlil Gibran
Screw the rest of the comments!
I LOVE YOU.
=D!
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