Ode to a Writer and his Tool of work...

For me, what works best is inspiration...something or someone has to arouse the philosophical side of me and that passionate writer somewhere deep down there within moi...i hope people dont keep their disatnce after reading this statement...but, i still havent brushed my teeth!!...yes, its 10 in the morning, and im all weary eyed and stinky breathed!..dads left for work...and the first thing i do is turn on the radio and swicth on my lappie...God bless, for i think im slowly, secrectly getting addicted to this marvellous but yet evil piece of work..(im referring to the laptop)..i doubt ill be able to survive without it, though im reely trying my best, atleast i think i am(!)...but its like coffee for the workaholics and drugs for the depressed...i need it...right, now im worried!!! well...i guess its a temptation ill just have to learn how to resist...that is, once my folks are here and literally shove me off the chair, till then its all mine!! muhahah :P...
Song by James Morisson is playing right now on the radio, the pieces dont fit anymore or something like that...call me gay, but i like his songs...they seem real and he seems to be like those kind of artists who really know their music and doesnt make music for publicity and fame sake...unlike some very sad individuals who have now unecessary invaded the music industry..lets not name them, just for the sake of those who happen to be devout fans of them....alright moving on, actually i dont know where to....i havent even given a title to this post...i dont know what to write on...i was just struck on the head by an invisible arrow sent flying across from the writer's cupid, no, not the cupid who works for the love between two beings but the cupid who belives in the love between a writer and his tool, which right now, is the keyboard :P....yes, and where came along this sudden inspiration...well, this morning i was introduced to a blog recommended by a friend and was i spellbound or what!! absolute brilliance, open sarcasm, talent and nothing but the truth, the blog itself had so much character...so i guess thats wat got me started...
I reely appreciate people or rather kids like us who write with so much enthusiasm and feeling...to be able to put your emotions into words for all to read and acknowledge, almost like a song, its a brave thing...ive been through a lot these few months, not the very best of times...im sure most of you could hint that out from my previous posts....but at last i felt good...ive let it all out for the whole world to know....its a relief and that is the beauty of writing...no matter what language or script...its the written form of yourself...each part of you put down in words...and so i think more of us should be encouraged to start to writing, whether by blogging or just writing essays and compositions in class or diary entries....i think ive found a title for my post..i shall stop here, hoping like how i got inspired, some of you are too..chow then...i think its time for nice hot glass of milk...

I wish...

i wish i did well this term.

i wish my family was together.

i wish my parents didnt always care about marks.

i wish i wasnt soo poddggy.

i wish love came easily.

i wish i didnt keep moving from place to place.

i wish loved ones didnt leave us and go.

i wish i could make it to hollywood.

i wish i could meet the cast of harry potter.

i wish i was back with my two best buddies.

i wish i didnt have to go through painful times.

i wish i didnt take out my anger and pain by hurting myself.

i wish i were stronger when it comes to handling difficult matters.

i wish people would forget their differences and be nice to everyone.

i wish violence was never option.

i wish life was a comedy.

i wish people didnt have to suffer to much.

i wish...

i wish for more....

love, happiness, health, wealth...

and more....

Cryer cryer...

I meant to write this post ages ago, but due to numerable frustrating reasons i wasnt able to, so as a result, i must take you back to the end of our exams, that is the 29th of november. it was the day just after the much exhuasting and stressful exams, but it wasnt as though all our worries had come to an end, there is always one last thing we all had to face and that were the results. and it had to be to my very luck that on that day were getting our maths marks....
Unfortunately i wasnt born with 'mathematical gene' in my blood as that of both my sister and brother, my parents often say its miracle that ive managed to learn how to add or subtract (which by the way i still make silly mistakes in!!, im sure now you all have an idea as to how pathetic i am in math!!). as far as i can remember i was always considered a complete dodo in math and so my family never expected too much from me after a math exam, but this time, to my horror, i did worse than ever, i managed to get absolutley disgraceful marks, almost embarrassing....
Dissapointed, no wait, very very dissapointed, i locked myself in the girls bathroom and bawled as though the world was going to come to end... well i just didnt expect it to be that bad...i guess i cried out of shock of whether ill manage to get the marks i wanted or rather needed...
Turned out that the door to my toilet had no lock, (boys, dont be too shocked, its true, half the doors of our bathroom dont have locks. so much for privacy!) and so, my dear friends managed to squeese in and console my poor distressed self, something i didnt like, id rather be just left alone and work it out by myself instead of ten girls telling me that it was fine and everything was going to be alright, and i knew for a fact that everything wasnt going to be alright. but being the best of freinds that they were, they refused to listen to me and somehow talked me out of my brief misery. feeling very stupid to be seen crying out like a mad cow infront of all them, i tried to dry off my reddish leaky nosed watery face(!) and smiled and said that id be alright, although deep down, i still wanted to kick the lid off the toilet seat for the disgusting marks i got...
And so we all marched out of the bathroom, greeted by other girls who were running in to dry their tears for, im sure, the same bloody reason: bad marks, and their friends tagging along to console them...at that point, i felt a bit better, looks like i wasnt the only one who did badly...we came out to find that the rest of the girls of our class were on the way to the special needs school, we ran for it and made it just in time to catch up with rest of the class...and yet i found another reason for myself to cry...
As we walked into the school, i was almost in a state of a breakdown, trying to suppress my soft cries and coughs and my hands constantly moving across my face like the wipers of a car, trying to dry off my tears, i looked like a red tomato who had just been squeesed. it was the most overwhelming feeling ever, im not sure thats even the right word to decribe what i was going through, i think my hormones had just kicked in, bringing me to a state of an emotional breakdown. but you must know that i wasnt crying for my math marks anymore...the fact of just seeing those kids being pushed in a wheelchair laughing and greeting the people who came in, made me feel so stupid at that moment...i was crying because i did badly in my 9th grade math exam when they...they couldnt do simple things we could...but yet inspite of their incapabilities, they always seemed so happy, so peaceful, so in their own little content world with no worries, no problems, no nothing...and to see their eagerness to learn new things and communicate with others made me feel so low at that point...due to a deep personal reason, something concerning my family, it hurt me even more. how many times did my poor mother tell me that when i am blessed with good health and the ability to learn and how ive always taken it for granted...it broke her heart to see that when i was so blessed unlike him, i still never did my best and never bothered to work hard, well thats what mum says, but i shant lie, i do tend to get lazy at times and well, as much as i hate to admit it, if i worked a wee bit harder i think i would have done a lot better...a sad fact i had to acknowledge...
i was stilll tearing a little, my freinds by my side thought i was over doing it, except for special someone(:p)..but little did the rest know how much it affected me...
Later we sat and spoke to two girls, Samada and Thara, another humbling experience...they held our hands and spoke to us with so much enthusiasim and so much love, it was then i thought of every time i hurt someone by saying something rude and when i looked back at it, i found it so unecessary....if we have to learn something then it should be from these children...however cliched this sounds, but with every thing we take for granted we should stop and think...and every time we cry for something, we should stop and think....think that there are those out there who arent as privileged as us....its like they say: be happy with what ya got!! so when i came back that day i was at peace, my marks didnt bother me and i wasnt worried how i was going to tell my parents, maybe i wasnt going to tell them, ill survive...i just listened to my mp3 and slept away listening to coldplay, dreaming of numbers and plus and minus signs chasing me through a dark tunnel...hope i make it through the other side, i hope i make through my next exam, hope i make through the night....
Hope i still stay blessed with good health and a loving family and caring friends and a good home and good food for many years to come....

(p.s very sorry for the long break i took, as i mentioned before, there were reasons as to why i couldnt publish this post earlier, my greatest apologies...)