Cryer cryer...

I meant to write this post ages ago, but due to numerable frustrating reasons i wasnt able to, so as a result, i must take you back to the end of our exams, that is the 29th of november. it was the day just after the much exhuasting and stressful exams, but it wasnt as though all our worries had come to an end, there is always one last thing we all had to face and that were the results. and it had to be to my very luck that on that day were getting our maths marks....
Unfortunately i wasnt born with 'mathematical gene' in my blood as that of both my sister and brother, my parents often say its miracle that ive managed to learn how to add or subtract (which by the way i still make silly mistakes in!!, im sure now you all have an idea as to how pathetic i am in math!!). as far as i can remember i was always considered a complete dodo in math and so my family never expected too much from me after a math exam, but this time, to my horror, i did worse than ever, i managed to get absolutley disgraceful marks, almost embarrassing....
Dissapointed, no wait, very very dissapointed, i locked myself in the girls bathroom and bawled as though the world was going to come to end... well i just didnt expect it to be that bad...i guess i cried out of shock of whether ill manage to get the marks i wanted or rather needed...
Turned out that the door to my toilet had no lock, (boys, dont be too shocked, its true, half the doors of our bathroom dont have locks. so much for privacy!) and so, my dear friends managed to squeese in and console my poor distressed self, something i didnt like, id rather be just left alone and work it out by myself instead of ten girls telling me that it was fine and everything was going to be alright, and i knew for a fact that everything wasnt going to be alright. but being the best of freinds that they were, they refused to listen to me and somehow talked me out of my brief misery. feeling very stupid to be seen crying out like a mad cow infront of all them, i tried to dry off my reddish leaky nosed watery face(!) and smiled and said that id be alright, although deep down, i still wanted to kick the lid off the toilet seat for the disgusting marks i got...
And so we all marched out of the bathroom, greeted by other girls who were running in to dry their tears for, im sure, the same bloody reason: bad marks, and their friends tagging along to console them...at that point, i felt a bit better, looks like i wasnt the only one who did badly...we came out to find that the rest of the girls of our class were on the way to the special needs school, we ran for it and made it just in time to catch up with rest of the class...and yet i found another reason for myself to cry...
As we walked into the school, i was almost in a state of a breakdown, trying to suppress my soft cries and coughs and my hands constantly moving across my face like the wipers of a car, trying to dry off my tears, i looked like a red tomato who had just been squeesed. it was the most overwhelming feeling ever, im not sure thats even the right word to decribe what i was going through, i think my hormones had just kicked in, bringing me to a state of an emotional breakdown. but you must know that i wasnt crying for my math marks anymore...the fact of just seeing those kids being pushed in a wheelchair laughing and greeting the people who came in, made me feel so stupid at that moment...i was crying because i did badly in my 9th grade math exam when they...they couldnt do simple things we could...but yet inspite of their incapabilities, they always seemed so happy, so peaceful, so in their own little content world with no worries, no problems, no nothing...and to see their eagerness to learn new things and communicate with others made me feel so low at that point...due to a deep personal reason, something concerning my family, it hurt me even more. how many times did my poor mother tell me that when i am blessed with good health and the ability to learn and how ive always taken it for granted...it broke her heart to see that when i was so blessed unlike him, i still never did my best and never bothered to work hard, well thats what mum says, but i shant lie, i do tend to get lazy at times and well, as much as i hate to admit it, if i worked a wee bit harder i think i would have done a lot better...a sad fact i had to acknowledge...
i was stilll tearing a little, my freinds by my side thought i was over doing it, except for special someone(:p)..but little did the rest know how much it affected me...
Later we sat and spoke to two girls, Samada and Thara, another humbling experience...they held our hands and spoke to us with so much enthusiasim and so much love, it was then i thought of every time i hurt someone by saying something rude and when i looked back at it, i found it so unecessary....if we have to learn something then it should be from these children...however cliched this sounds, but with every thing we take for granted we should stop and think...and every time we cry for something, we should stop and think....think that there are those out there who arent as privileged as us....its like they say: be happy with what ya got!! so when i came back that day i was at peace, my marks didnt bother me and i wasnt worried how i was going to tell my parents, maybe i wasnt going to tell them, ill survive...i just listened to my mp3 and slept away listening to coldplay, dreaming of numbers and plus and minus signs chasing me through a dark tunnel...hope i make it through the other side, i hope i make through my next exam, hope i make through the night....
Hope i still stay blessed with good health and a loving family and caring friends and a good home and good food for many years to come....

(p.s very sorry for the long break i took, as i mentioned before, there were reasons as to why i couldnt publish this post earlier, my greatest apologies...)